This is probably one of the hardest posts for me to write. It has brought back a lot of bad memories for me. In all honesty, I have never really talked much about my life after my parents divorce. I haven’t even told many of my close friends the full details. I guess it’s something I have tried to forget about. Until now. I will address the issue of my real mother and relationship with my parents. Well, my father is not the issue here. Just my mother.
In a previous post I let you in on the details of my parents being divorced but I never said what the reasoning was. Plain and simple, my mother cheated on my father. My mother also tried to make me cover for her when her “lover” called. I was 15 years old, scared, upset and confused as to why she put me in that position. I eventually got sick of covering for her lies and hiding things from my father. It literally made me sick. I lashed out by running with the wrong crowd and doing things that a 15-year-old shouldn’t.
On a fall night in September I finally got the courage to fill my dad in on the news. My father followed my mother when she said she was going to the “store” and caught her with her lover. Of course there was a huge fight and that was the end of the marriage. I don’t really know why I stayed in the house with my mother. I guess I didn’t want to change my high school and live in a small apartment with my father. Maybe in the back of my mind I thought my parents would somehow get back together. It didn’t happen.
Before the divorce I was extremely close with both of my parents but more so my mother. My mother took me to horse back riding lessons and my dance/cheerleading practices. We were best friends. Then the divorce hit. Mom started dating a lot and honestly was hardly ever home. Every new boyfriend that I was introduced to meant nothing to me. All she dated was losers who would just want to try to take the place of my father and try to take over the house hold with their “rules.” Some of these men had no idea what they were even doing since they never had children of their own. None of them even lasted for more than 2 weeks.
My brother and I were left by ourselves almost every weekend while she took off with a boyfriend for a 3 day trip somewhere. Grandma found out through a neighbor at the supermarket that my brother and I were being neglected. The neighbor was actually close to calling child protective services on my mother for never being around. I don’t know why I kept my mother’s immature and outrageous behavior a secret for so long. I guess because I was sort of ashamed of her and what she had become.
When my mom met her (now husband)-Greg, things really got bad. He had an issue with me from day one. Greg was really controlling and verbally abusive. Certain food was labeled for him only, lights had to be out at 7pm every night, and etc. The worst part about Greg was his yelling and swearing at me for no reason. Greg would never yell at my brother or give him a hard time. I got singled out for whatever reason. I eventually got sick of this atmosphere and approached my mother about it. Unfortunately, she decided to take Greg’s side and I ended up getting kicked out of her house at the age of 16. Grandma being the sweetheart that she is, took me in and cared for me. Grandma made sure I had dinner every night, clothes, money, and a roof over my head.
Now, years later my grandma has made me who I am. I have completely changed my life around and I have learned how to be strong and live a happy and healthy life. I could not be more thankful for her and her wisdom. I owe a lot to my grandma and it kills me to see such a sweet women going through this disgusting cancer illness. This is why I have chosen to be my grandma’s caregiver no matter how hard it may get.
Mom and I only talk every few months now. When I say we talk I mean small talk and only for about 5 minutes or so. Usually only through text messaging. She also decided to move halfway across the country. Greg is still with her, brainwashing her. My mother stays for his money I know it. Mom still is in denial of things and has no desire to talk or try to make things better between us. My brother and his wife are the favorites with her. I realize that will never change. I’m just so thankful for my grandmother showing me the love of a real mother. Whenever people ask me about my mom I tell the story of how my grandma took me in and showed me real family love.
struggles of a caregiver 